Stop Stressing - Building Your Support Team

1002d Space Support Group logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Community Support Group (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Copyright © 2010-2013 Larry Tobin

One of the most difficult facts about building strong habits is that so much of it lies directly on our shoulders. We have to exercise the willpower to reduce the influence of stress in our lives; we have to make the choices that will help us feel better at the end of the day. However, many of us focus so much on this challenge that we forget that there are other people in our lives willing to help us, if we just let them.

There are many ways that we can allow others to help and encourage us in our efforts. The ultimate responsibility may come down on our shoulders, but that doesn't mean we're islands that have to stand entirely on our own. Families, friends, and oddly enough even entire strangers can be an amazing resource in our efforts to de-stress our lives. Here, we focus on some of the ways we can build a strong support group as we endeavor to kick the stress habit.

Step 1 - Don't Be Embarrassed

There is no shame at all in asking for help with a problem. Houses are built by large teams, cars are designed by groups, and town councils usually have more than one member. A big enough project will benefit from having outside help, so there's no harm in asking for a little of it. After all, wouldn't you feel honored and pleased if your friends came to you for your help and advice?

As you decide who you want to ask for help, take the following habit building step if you feel embarrassed or worried about asking for help. Remind yourself of something you've done to help someone else and recognize that this is no different. Affirm that it's not a weakness to ask for help with something important. Do this every time you need to ask for help, and in time it will be part of the healthy habit of seeking out others' support.

Step 2 - Start Close

Easy steps are the best way to build a new, strong habit. Having to bend and wrack yourself to bring a new element into your life is a surefire way to get discouraged, so it's best to start where you feel comfortable. For the first member of your support group, choose someone you already trust with things you need help with. A friend you're used to talking to or a family member you confide in regularly is a great choice because the connection will feel natural. This will help the habit grow naturally, instead of being forced into your life.

Step 3 - Rely on Experience

Again, there's no sense in making more work for yourself than necessary. The goal is to reduce stress, not increase it! When picking out your stress support team, consider asking for help from someone who has dealt with stress themselves, or may even be dealing with it now. Their insights will give you a fresh angle on things, and you will both be able to share that sense of camaraderie that comes with mutual understanding of a problem.

Step 4 - Keep it Light, and Be Flexible

Remember that your support group isn't your life-instructor. They're friends you've chosen to help you as you deal with your problem, not to deal with it for you. Don't feel you have to talk to them nonstop about everything. Instead, set up a time to talk once or twice a week. This will give you time to build up things to talk about, so the conversations can be more varied and dynamic, but will also be frequent enough not to leave you hanging when needed.

As you speak to your support friends, remember to keep the conversation flexible as well. If you need to talk to them about things that are stressing you and worrying you, do so. Getting it out can help matters, and let you talk through to solutions. On the other hand, sometimes the best therapy is just a friendly conversation about the newest movie or a great book you've both read. Talk about what feels natural, and most relaxing for you, instead of feeling you have to focus on talking points.

Step 5 - Help Your Team Grow

Numbers aren't everything, and bigger may not always be better, but you want your support group to grow beyond an initial one or two people. Different people have different experiences that you can draw upon, and having an assortment of confidantes who can help you out is of greater benefit than relying solely on one person.

Consider adding a new link in your support chain each week for the next two months. Sixty days is the upper limit of a good habit building timeline, so by the time you've gathered these eight helpers around you, you'll be very used to seeking out their advice and the whole process will feel very second nature. And once you've acquired these habits, you will have an even stronger network of friends to form a lifelong safety net against stress.. Good luck, and healthy habits to you.


About the Author:
Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for losing weight. Try our 42-day weight loss program for Losing Weight.


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Top Ten 'Mistakes' Made by Parents America

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Copyright © 2010-2013 Ryan Hogan

On one hand the word "mistake" may be too harsh. Every child is different and only you really know if your offspring is happy and flourishing. Therefore, who is to say what a parenting mistake is and is not?

On the other hand, "mistake" may not be harsh enough. Raising a child is the most important job in the world and if you err as a parent, the word "mistake" may not fully convey the seriousness of the situation.

Chances are though you're not making any of the ten mistakes listed below. Maybe you're close on one or two, but nothing to really worry yourself about. So use this list as a reminder of what not to do as a parent. In our busy lives we often fail to slow down and examine what's going on around us. This list is a great place start when you want to reflect on how you're raising your child.

However, if you realize you're making many of these mistakes it's probably time to sit down with your spouse and reevaluate your roles as parents. Remember, it's never too late to change.

Mistake #1 - Being Your Child's Friend

You should be friendly to your children but you shouldn't be your children's friends. They can have as many friends as they want but they only get two parents. What kids need is to live with two people that will teach, discipline, and protect them. They don't need a wingman or BFF.

Mistake #2 - Not Spending Time with Your Child

It doesn't matter if your kid is born into a wealthy family or one of modest means; it doesn't matter if your child is part of a big family or a small one; it doesn't matter who your kid is because the only thing he or she really wants from you is your time. Yes, work is important but it's never as important as spending time with your son or daughter. This also includes attending their extracurricular activities and being involved in their school.

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Mistake #3 - Spoiling Your Child

If your son or daughter gets everything they want they will always want more. In other words, they need to learn the word "no." It may make you feel better (it may be easier) for you to spoil your child but in the long run it does more harm than good. Sure, you want to provide for your child and give them everything they need, but that doesn't mean they need to get everything they want. Save the spoiling for the grand kids.

Mistake #4 - Worrying Too Much About Low Self-Esteem

While you don't want to verbally teardown your son or daughter, it's perfectly okay for them to learn that not everything they do is great. In other words don't praise mediocrity. For kids to grow up healthy they need to have a little self doubt. The kids with too much self-esteem are generally more of a problem than those with too little.

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Mistake #5 - Not Disciplining Your Child

Yes, it's not very fun to discipline a child. Yes, it takes time and energy, but you have to do it-if not for yourself than for everyone else. You'll know you're disciplining your child correctly when they behave better away from home. Remember to never argue with your son or daughter. You're the parent. What you say goes; there's no discussion. If they don't like it, then they can suffer the consequences.

Mistake #6 - Being a Poor Role Model

Whether you realize it or not, your child is learning how to behave from watching you. There are some times and situations where the phrase "do as I say not as I do" applies (homework, bedtime, wine with dinner) but for the most part they do what you do. This applies to how you treat other people; your diet and exercise; and how you deal with stress.

Mistake #7 - Treating Your Kids Like Wimps

Humans have been around for 200,000 years. This means kids have been around for 200,000 years. It also means your kid will be fine if he or she has to make their own lunch, takes the bus home from school, or gets called a name by the neighbor kid. Children are emotionally and physically tougher than we give them credit for. They don't need to be coddled all the time.

Mistake #8 - Failing To Give Them Responsibilities

No one gets a free lunch. Even your cat earns their keep (either by catching mice or being extremely cute). Your child is no different. They should have age appropriate responsibilities, i.e. chores. They need to learn right away that life is basically a series of one-thing-you-don't-want-to-do after another. Plus, if your child is allowed to coast at home how are they going to act at college or on the job?

Mistake #9 - Living Vicariously Through Your Children

Just because you wanted to be a world-class gymnast doesn't mean your son or daughter does too. Let them find their own passion. Pushing your child into an activity, especially something they don't genuinely love to do, usually results in resentment rather than greatness. However, if they do find their bliss support them one-hundred percent.

Mistake #10 - Not Being True To Your Word

Whether it's a threat or a promise be prepared to always back up your words. This is easier said than done as sometimes you say things in the heat of a moment you wish you hadn't and what sounded like a good idea on Sunday isn't such a good idea after working a 12-hour shirt on Tuesday. Nonetheless you need to try as hard as humanly possible to make your word golden. If your kid realizes you're all talk, you'll have a huge problem on your hands.


About the Author:
Ryan Hogan writes for ParentingFun411.com, a website that offers parents who want to have fun all kinds of useful resources such as a directory of fun parenting businesses like a directory of children's entertainment companies. Also read the parenting blog that offers great information for parents such as the top 10 parenting mistakes. Learn more at: http://www.ParentingFun411.com/


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